I took my second Lumosity research study assessment yesterday and despite almost daily training sessions it appears I am a moron…

…seriously dense

….really quite the dunce.

It’s chiefly the areas of problem solving and attention that seem to be letting me down.

Although I can, as of this afternoon, add depth perception and perspective. I have replaced a large sauté pan permanently maimed over the weekend with a maple syrup marinade of such flammability as to indelibly remain on its non-stick lifetime guaranteed surface.    The new one, a good third bigger than its predecessor, has a surface that almost entirely engulfs the hot plate and is too large to store anywhere.

Idiot.

But truthfully I need look no farther than the bloggers I follow to crush any intellectual self-esteem. There in my email in-box pop the prolific offerings of bloggers from around the world. Many of them are witty, erudite folk delivering beautifully crafted blog posts that make me laugh out loud or shed the occasional tear. Their insight and wisdom are a joy to behold.

Then there are the frequently mediocre posts from banal ranters whose stock in trade are cat memes, acronyms and profanity.        They invariably and inexplicably, have many hundreds of followers, giving me the intestinal fortitude to continue myself for there is clearly a reader for every blog.

Where was I? Oh that’s right, not so smart.

This has actually been confirmed on a number of previous occasions. Just before wrapping up life as a franchisee for a failing women’s gym (Change Stations Now), I took up the offer of psych profiling from one of the few remaining members.

It was a CPI Profile and involved pages of multiple-choice questions. I may have elicited the long held ‘if in doubt, go with C’ rule towards the end because it was all becoming a little repetitive and I was bored.

According to Harrison G. Gough Ph.D , the results placed me in the Gamma quadrant. I felt as though I should have a shiny silver jumpsuit and a secret handshake.    We Gamma types, defined by below average scores on Vector 1 and 2 which may or may not have been space stations, I didn’t ask, tend to be involved, participative and rule questioning. I quite liked that. I also liked that in the empathy section I ranked right up and over the standard norm.

See? I understand how people are feeling. That would be perfect for a career in a funeral home wouldn’t it?

The psychologist gym member looked at me doubtfully as I continued,

…or I could become a psychologist… YES! FINALLY!  some serious scientific Gamma based career direction!

Quietly drawing my attention back to the report she pointed out that my above average empathy appeared to be countered by a subterranean ranking in the tolerance section.

So, Mrs. Jones, this is your second visit to me now and while I completely understand how devastating this whole incident of infidelity has been for you I’m frankly just a little bit tired of your inability to employ any of the strategies we discussed. I mean seriously, you really need to help yourself here and stop being a doormat.

So the search for a job that incorporates my openness to new experience and freedom from inhibition along with an impatient and impractical bent continues.

I’d almost certainly make a superlative billionaire.

But until then, I must regenerate some brain cells before I start repeating myself. I’d almost certainly make a superlative billionaire.

I discovered the Freerice website over the weekend and have been whizzing through the vocabulary levels like a creature possessed. Freerice is run by the United Nations World Food programme and it’s not-for-profit website affords free education to anyone with access to a computer and free rice to third world communities. They donate ten grains of rice for every correct answer so it’s not very helpful to remain stuck on level one if you are at all concerned about world hunger.

Rapidly progressing through to level 45 where knowing the meaning of words like capstone, ventricose and stertor (words that the Apple spell checker deem unrecognisable ) not only make me feel learned but ensure goodly donations of oryza glaberrima.

As you can see, it’s quite obviously working.

Dumb arse!